I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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