Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
