Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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