Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
