You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She told me I should be a condom model.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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