I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
