She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
