worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
