What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
