new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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