this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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