I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
