also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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