What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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