how can u be prego again
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
