Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
no you cant smoke seaweed
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
