And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
