White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
