Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
