Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
