I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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