I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
