Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
