no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Randomize
