she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i've created a new STD.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I need to sanitize my soul.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
