I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
