The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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