Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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