I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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