Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
