WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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