i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
MIDGETS
????
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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