so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
