i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
