I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
