I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
