Non-Jews are for practice
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
