I just made out with a guy for $7.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Be still, my beating vagina.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize