so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
