well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
