Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
