Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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