So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize