So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
