i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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