The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
