I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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