You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
