Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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