GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
