Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I've blown a few things in my day
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I smell like Dick and happiness
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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