No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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