Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
