you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
