Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize