Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Randomize
