i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
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