For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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