Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
