are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
