Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize