He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
