my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
