I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
