Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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