i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
