NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
