Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
