I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
How external is "for external use only"?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
