You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
the liver wants what the liver wants
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
