He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
