if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
