Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
