Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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