I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize