dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
