So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
