remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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