Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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