If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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