Swine flu. Run for my life!
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
