I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
