Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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