You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
