Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
