belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
