Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
