shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
