Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
