he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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