I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
