I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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