All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
