Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize