Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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