I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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