My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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