the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
