Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
