She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
