What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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