His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
