Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize