This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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